Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Gasp Guzzler, while possessed of a somewhat amusing name, is much less amusing to run into in person. Like many modern-born lesser shadow-eaters, the Gasp Guzzler is fond of preying on young adults especially.

The creature is often covered in a thick fluff of mold and mildew due to its native habitat in unkempt trash heaps and the abandoned buildings of cities. As a result, its smell is quite rank. This intensity of smell all but banishes the Gasp Guzzler to the darker corners of the night, though those with little or no sense of smell are cautioned to take care when around great heaps of rubbish. The Gasp Guzzler's eyes are grown-over with its symbiotic molds, and so it navigates by method of excellent hearing.



In contrast to most of its fellow shadow-eaters, the Gasp Guzzler does not posses the long, stringy fingers typical of so many of its cousins. This humanoid, bipedal creature in fact possesses small arms about the size and shape of a human baby's, no comforting sight on a creature roughly eight feet tall when standing fully erect. The Gasp Guzzler captures its prey by means of its long, incredibly muscular tongue. Indeed, if a victim is to feel the leaden grip of that horrid lingual limb, then it is far too late for any help that could be given.

Like a great constrictor serpent, the Gasp Guzzler uses its massive tongue to immobilize its prey, albeit in a uniquely horrifying manner. Richard Bingham, a modern urban explorer of some renown in certain circles, describes the fate of a lost young woman he discovered too late:

"Her face was horrible and blotched, her eyes popped almost from her skull with the force of her suffocation. Coming closer, Mannings watching with a shotgun at the ready in the case of the thing still being present, I saw completely her grim fate. Where previously I had presumed that she had simply been crushed like the unfortunate rats we saw littering the place, now I understood better the exact method this fetid creature used to devour its prey. 

Her jaw was broken wide open, her mouth and face glistening with the same sort of stuff that coated the tip of the thing's tongue. I had wondered before how it only ate the organ meat; like an octopus, it seemed to inject itself into its prey and work from the very inside. How terrible the pain must have been! How horrifying the act of being devoured must have been! I could scarce look at this poor corpse, so vivid was my imagination. This was a vivisection, a violation, a murder all in one!"

This passage, delivered in true Bingham style, details a discovery that left those who study this sort of thing in a frothing frenzy of excitement. The relations and origins of the Gasp Guzzler had been completely and solely speculated on; now earnest research and supposition could begin.

The currently accepted theory is that the Gasp Guzzler is in fact a mobile distant relative of the disturbing Gray's Internist, the cause of the infamous Raws incident of '68. The Gasp Guzzler could provide valuable clues as to the life stages of Gray's Internist. The connection seems yet clearer when taking into account that, unlike many other shadow-eaters, the Gasp Guzzler is never seen in any other form but its adult one.

Methods of repelling it, thankfully, are quite simple. Any source of dry heat or light drives the thing off with utmost haste; the more cautious ones seem to be wary of electronics that give off even the smallest amount of waste heat (perhaps survivors of run-ins with better-equipped urban explorers?). If this simple method fails to aid, then the faint rustling of woolen garments seems to drive them to distraction. The reason for this is unknown, other than the flimsy suggestion that those actively hunting the beasts often wear warm, well-insulating socks.

The Gasp Guzzler is not something to actively engage without proper preparation, due to its immense size and strength. However, for the prepared, it is worth noting that the beast is quickly put down with a quick blast of ultraviolet light coupled with a burning sprig of holly to the tip of its tongue. 

Shotguns, according to Bingham, also work well.
For questions, concerns, and help with all matters obscure and esoteric, please e-mail Smiling Cat. Help may or may not appear in a subsequent article, depending on relevance.

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